Words by Bruce Andreasen
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REVIEW MAY CONTAIN CONTENT THAT COULD BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME READERS. IT WAS DONE FOR AN 18+ COMEDY SHOW, AND SOME OF HIS MATERIAL THAT WE HAVE COVERED MAY BE OFFENSIVE
It’s not every night that you head down to the old Wallaby Bob’s for a comedy show, in fact, I don’t think I ever have. Here I am, though, sitting up in the VIP booth like some kind of important individual, or at least someone who thinks they are important. Either way, I sit elevated above the rest of the crowd on their lined-up lower-level seating, which is also an odd sight for the usual standing-only crowds at this place when there are bands cranking the main stage.
The show commences shortly around 8pm, but it’s not Steve onstage. It’s some bloke by the name of Dan Sevcik, from Murwillumbah. That’s a place south of the Queensland border, in New South Wales. Dan introduces himself and lets us all know he is an alcoholic. After realising he fucked up and isn’t at a meeting, he mentions that he recognises a few faces in the crowd, and then goes on to call us all alcoholics. Luckily, the crowd accepts the compliment, but no one is fooled by his honest “mistake.”
The next 5 minutes or so is spent talking about his penis (he refers to it as his “dick“). It was a long story, just like his dick, or so he tells us. No matter how big it really is, it was a funny 5 minutes, and I guess he can now claim that he has a funny dick. I’ll leave it to your judgment if that’s a compliment for him or not.
What was even funnier than his dick stories were a series of funny as fuck one-liners that rolled off his tongue every so smoothly without a stutter or delay. Some were dad jokes, but none were dud jokes. Not even the dig he took at diggers, which is usually a no-go zone subject for comedy. Speaking of no-go zones, you’d usually avoid jokes about rape and the transgender community due to their heavily offensive nature. Somehow, Dan managed to deliver one on each topic without offending anyone. Not because there was a lack of people to offend, but because he found a way to joke about both topics without being offensive. It’s a fine line, but one he trod exceptionally well.
His next joke takes the form of a song about Covid, and from the reaction of the crowd, you’d think it was a number one hit. Not the kind of hit you’d get in Tweed or Logan, but the kind of hit that entertains the crowd enough to allow you to follow up with a joke about Paedophiles. That should have been offensive, but again it wasn’t. Funny as fuck is what it was! Job well done, good sir.
After a short break, Steve Hughes entered the stage to a massive applause. He then proceeded to take the piss out of it and the random equipment on it, including an empty sparkling water bottle and some batteries. He then spent a couple of minutes on Dan‘s dick, I mean about Dan‘s dick, and how it needed its own green room.
The real conversation started with him blaming the Melbourne crowds for shit shows and then taking the piss out of two “lesbians” up in the VIP section. That one definitely wouldn’t have worked well with a Melbourne crowd, but it worked well for the bogan Gold Coast crowd. Unfortunately, he overlooked me sitting up there in a dark corner … or did he? Was I possibly one of the lesbians of which he was speaking?
Moving on, Steve has a bit of a whinge about $16 airport muffins, economy-class flights, plane yoga and the real-life struggles of the mile high club. This somehow progressed into a description of fucking like a meerkat and then wanking at work. Obviously, this bit ended on Only Fans Feminism, Only Feet, Sock Sex and Yoga Mats.
That’s a lot to take in, but it doesn’t end, as Steve keeps the new topics flowing in thick and fast. And no topic is safe as he delves into DEI and transgender pilots. Yeah, he went there but just as a tester before he dialled back a little to talk about Slayer, Heart Attacks and Car Insurance which quickly turned again towards Open Heart Surgery, Pig Guts and Trust Issues.
It’s about now that a Melbourne crowd would be calling him a C$@T. There’s no need, though, as he constantly references himself as such. And while we are on references, it is probably worth mentioning the references to Posh Pommies, Crop Circles, Ghastly Pubs, Frightfully Inappropriate C@$ts, and Porridge Wogs. That last one is apparently what those proper English c@$ts call the Scots, according to Steve.
The show Steve puts on delivers so many twists and turns and eventually lands with a Mad C@$t, a Tonne of Acid, Gypsie Chicks, Drug Dogs, and someone getting their member out in the woods. And let us not overlook the Homeless, Cats, Aldi, ATM’s, Ketamine, Vets, Taxis and Mutants. At this point, I was starting to wonder if a little bit of that acid made it onstage.
The show had gone on for at least an hour at this point, and Steve announced that it was time to get serious now that he had tested the crowd reactions. What followed was a series of super offensive current topics, including pregnant men, tampons for men, women’s boxing, gender re-imagination, woke psychosis, alternative interpretation, and bigotry. Organically grown, home-baked, real women were also on the menu, and he let us all know that it is his menu favourite. Even though he rarely gets what he hopes to order.
After a short adventure into TikTok, Yoga Pants and Perverts, the conversation somehow lands on Triple Testicles, Miss-Gendering, and Well-dressed witty gay men with drugs and how they were all the fun back in the 80’s and 90’s. The gay men with drugs, that is. This is where the show started to get/continue to be really offensive – if you are easily offended, that is. No one was off target. And while he was talking about being offensive, he also mentioned that Slayer and Satan have nothing on N.W.A. If the crowd were not already offended by now, it’s unlikely that the following passages referencing Small Tits, Paedophilia and a Big Titted Little Sister would have bothered them either.
Tinder came up next, as did Funny Men, Peacocks, and Nelson Mandela. As did Time, Toast, Hotel Milk, Suicide Safe Windows and After Grog Bogs. If you can piece that all together somehow to make sense, you are doing quite well. You don’t need to at a Steve Hughes show though, as he shifts seamlessly between subjects with perfectly planned, and sometimes improvised segues between topics.
At this point, the show has lasted for 2 hours, and it’s way past mine and most of the middle-aged crowd’s bedtime, which is the perfect time to discuss Ejaculation, Star Systems and Sleep. And that’s exactly what Steve did to wish us all a good night and finish an absolutely hilarious show. Steve is one funny motherfucker!
