Words by Jimmy Glinster
Pix by Sarah Gilpin
What did you get up to on Wednesday night? I don’t really care, but just for your knowledge ya freaky little stalkers, I went down to Mo’s for a mid-week metal show, as you do. Was your night as cool as mine? Probably not, you probably just spent the night sooking with a hangover after losing all ya money on Tuesday in the race that no one give’s a fuck about.
Anyway, the crowd creeps in early for a 6:30pm start, and by the time Choof take the stage there are enough people to quickly form a moderately small pit … of filth. The band wastes no time unleashing the fury. For a band named Choof, you’d think they’d be a bit more laid back, but these are no stoner tunes, this is pure grind.
After the first song, the band throws some insults at the crowd and tells all the pussies and trendy folks to “get the fuck to the front”. Luckily, they didn’t single me out, or this review could very quickly go to the shit.
I’m not sure if they just played one really long song, or four really short songs. That’s how brutal and frantic it all is. You can’t quite put ya finger on the pulse and just when you think you had it, shit gets all twisted. They did just stop and say some more stuff though, so whatever it was, they just ended it to take a breath and call someone a wanker. This abuse continues for either 3 songs, or 7. I’m still not sure, but however many songs it was, it was fucking beautiful.
As Australia’s loudest two-piece start sound checking, the room fills back up again, two-fold. If this continues, it’s going to get real tight and squishy in here. If you know anything about Astrodeath, you’ll know that this two-piece sounds bigger than most 4- or 5-piece acts. How you say? It’s something to do with some tricky signal splitting that sends the guitar to multiple amps and a bass rig. It really is fucking massive.
I really should start actively listening to these guys so that I know the song names and some of the vocals. They are such a rocking band, and the riffs are groovy as fuck. When a band plays a Black Sabbath cover mid-set and it’s their weakest song so far, that kinda tells you something, doesn’t it!
The riffs somehow just continue to get heavier and groovier. So much noise for just 2 dudes, and so much air being pushed around the room. This duo really is a force to be reckoned with.
The focus of the media today has been all about the U.S. Election, but the focus for HEAVY is about to become about something else from the states. That something else is Weedeater, a bunch of stoner dudes who are about to play some stoner metal or something.
And you’d have to be a stoner to use The Golden Girls intro as your intro track, but here we are. A very extended feedback intro ensues and after a couple of minutes of pure noise the band erupts into a wall of sludge. The pace picks up as they kick into their first song, and the crowd starts bouncing around. This is actually way more rocking than I expected. Maybe they took it a bit easy on the Choof today.
I’m actually not sure what’s going on now, but it’s heavy as fuck, and dooming, but there is not that much going on at all. Big chords, big screams and thumping drums. I guess that’s all you need when the edibles kick in. Previous statement about taking it easy retracted.
Oh, here we go again. The lads must have just woken back up cause it’s loose and rocking right now. That song didn’t seem to have any words, maybe that short-term memory loss kicked in and they forgot the words? Maybe I should have bought my oil vape along to get me in the mood, or maybe some speed to keep me awake. This is the Weed & Speed tour after all, and luckily the encore rocked enough to wake me up a little without needing to hit the hard stuff.
Kriss Kross will make ya, daddy Mac will make ya … what the fuck? Oh yeah, Kriss Kross will make ya jump, and King Parrot might too, but first ya gotta get down the front and bang ya fucking head. You gotta try and grab a rhythm amongst the chaos first, or just lose your shit and trash around like you’re having enough epileptic fit like Youngy does.
And that’s exactly what happens as the pit loses its shit, and Slatts mentions something about a shit sandwich. There may have also been something in there about Trump, somewhere in the shit sandwich. And something about pit karate and kicking people in the head.
As I’m questioning where Ari is, Slatts lets us know that he couldn’t make it and that Chat GPT would be filling in for him tonight under the name Adam. Adam is also vying for the bass player’s job, allegedly. No one gives a fuck about Adam though; this is the Slatts show.
Rumour has it we are getting a heap of new songs tonight. Well, it’s not a rumour, Youngy just said “fuck it, we are just gonna play all new ones tonight”. No one seems disappointed as they roll out what I can only assume are a few new tracks, heavy as fuck ones.
As the set moves to an end we get promised two more songs, and before you know it, we have Shit on the Liver again. Then we very politely get told “Fuck You and the Horse You Rode in On”.
And on that note, I’ll fuck off in the Ute I drove in … in. Night Khunts!
