Each week, HEAVY will run a fresh list of 15 things to do with metal. They could be anything from metal karaoke songs to bands that have been banned from playing to horror-themed metal bands. You name it, if there are 15 or more of them out there, then HEAVY will assemble them into a list for you! This week’s list is Bad Band Names. What’s more, at the bottom of each weekly list, we will tell you the subject of next week’s list and how you can use it to win yourself a signed CD from Better Noise Music artists.
From the dawn of time, naming your band has been a pain in the proverbial. Everything you like is either taken or sounds too much like someone else or doesn’t sound enough like we want it to sound like…..
So what do you do in times of brain freeze? Throw any words or letters together you like, and then put them in a short phrase. These are generally offensive, nonsensical or both, and there are actually more bad band names out there than you might think. So we asked dear old Nanna to make us a list, and here’s what she came up with…
HOOBASTANK
The legend of Hoobastank started in 1994 after vocalist Doug Robb got jack of competing against his guitarist mate Dan Elstrin in high school battle of the bands and decided to form a band with him instead. The band have point-blank refused to divulge the origin of Hoobastank, so, as they do, people started making up their own origin stories. Some of the outlandish theories are Hoobastank is the mispronunciation of a German street, or it could be completely made up, or it might be slang for someone who owns more shoes than they do feet.
Whatever it is, Nanna doesn’t like it.
EXPLODING WHITE MICE
Formed in Adelaide in 1983, the origins of this particular band name are pretty cut and dried. After starting life as a covers band, they eventually started performing their originals, presumably because no one would book a band called Exploding White Mice.
The band’s name was taken from a scene in the 1979 film Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, where a laboratory mouse spontaneously explodes upon exposure to music by The Ramones.
CHUNK! NO, CAPTAIN CHUNK!
Only the French could think up a band name like this. Formed in Paris in 2007, Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! Vocalist Bertrand Poncet was heard to complain that it was hard to establish a fan base in their country because he said there was no rock scene. So the cunning bugger changed the band name to see if that would work. Because apparently C!NCC! is much easier on the lips…
The band name is taken from a scene in the 1985 adventure-comedy film The Goonies, in which Chunk and Sloth arrive on the scene to help their friends.
WE BUTTER THE BREAD WITH BUTTER
Normally, German metalcore is more metal, less core, but when We Butter the Bread with Butter arrived in 2007, they had different ideas. After initially starting as more of a joke than a band, We Butter the Bread with Butter gradually began to realise there could be a future in bread metal, and became a more serious metal duo instead.
The band’s name came from being bored with many other metal band names, which are often long and sound dark. Instead, they chose a name that is similarly long, but makes it clear the band are super normal guys who are into music.
The story behind these guys is almost as good as the name. Allegedly, the band planted their first seeds after members met at Uni in the late 1970s, then went their separate ways, but one of the guys worked in an accountant firm and also published a magazine called Strange V.D that featured pictures of abnormal medical ailments. He got the ass from there after being caught with the photos and pissed off, and met up again with his mate before, they figured selling clothes with an image of Lee Harvey Oswald on the front would make a good side hustle until the music gig paid off.
Unfortunately, the story behind the band name isn’t so wholesome, supposedly coming from an announcer mistaking one of the band’s song titles for their name.
DOGS DIE IN HOT CARS
These Scottish rockers met in college at the ripe old age of 14, where they decided to form a band. Apparently, none of them studied English because it took them until 1997 to come up with the name DOGS DIE IN HOT CARS.
I shudder to think what the ones they thought were shit were…
30 ODD FOOT OF GRUNTS
Back in the early 1990s Russell Crowe was doing so well in the acting department that he thought he was indestructible. Although it would still be another eight years until Rusty won his first Oscar, he was still convinced anything he touched would turn to warm piss, so he decided he would give the old music game a go and form 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. As security, he even brought in a trumpet player who blew until he could blow more. Then Rusty got the shits and threw a phone at some bloke, which almost fucked everything.
Their one saving grace came when the mighty Frenzal Rhomb penned a song called Russell Crowe’s Band Is A Pile Of Shit. Word has it Rusty was none too impressed, and when Frenzal Rhomb were fronted about it they said words to the effect of “what’s he bloody on about? We said his band is a pile of shit. We have no problem with the greatest Australian actor ever in Russell Crowe.“
CREAMING JESUS
These guys were an English gothic punk, punk, thrash metal outfit who formed in 1987. Their music was hugely influenced by Slayer, and they released a couple of albums before calling it a day in 1994. Their main claim to fame is having their track Reptile feature in an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer so they kept the whole Slayer thing going for longer than the band did.
It sounds like coming up with the name was a lame state of affairs, with reports claiming Creaming Jesus originated from the band’s provocative and rebellious spirit. The name was chosen to reflect the intense, harsh, and rebellious sound they created. Boring…
LET’S GET OUT OF THIS TERRIBLE SANDWICH SHOP
I couldn’t find out too much about these guys, except they were an indie pop-influenced band formed in the early 2000s, presumably after meeting at a variation of a sandwich shop that sold shit sandwiches. They actually enjoyed early local success because of their name, but were also kind enough to allow people to shorten it to LGOOTTSS. Apparently, some mob called Onion AV Club put the band – or more specifically the band name on a list titled ‘Best Worst Band Names Encountered This Year’, which says a lot about the grasp of the English language in their small part of the world.
I am assuming they were number one on the list, because, let’s face it, there aren’t many names out there in the same league as this…
MISSION2URANUS
Again, I can’t find much about these guys, but they make the list because I remember seeing them in Jonno’s Blues Bar up in Cairns around the turn of the century. The three-piece band was as crazy as their name suggests, with each gig seeing the band perform almost naked with the use of things like vibrators as guitar enhancers and regularly asking women in the crowd to throw their tampons on stage – for use in the performance of course.
Their music was a blend of funk and acid jazz, and I remember they were great blokes and an even better live band. With songs like Mr Wiggly and Wasted, you get a fair idea of their sense of humour.
TOAD THE WET SPROCKET
This Californian alternative rock outfit at least had a great sense of humour, deriving the band name from a Monty Python skit called Rock Notes, in which a journalist delivers a nonsensical music news report:
‘Rex Stardust, lead electric triangle with Toad the Wet Sprocket, has had to have an elbow removed following their recent successful worldwide tour of Finland. Flamboyant, ambidextrous Rex apparently fell off the back of a motorcycle. “Fell off the back of a motorcyclist, most likely,” quipped ace drummer Jumbo McClooney on hearing of the accident. Plans are already afoot for a major tour of Iceland.’
NATALIE PORTMAN’S SHAVED HEAD
Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head actually ended up changing their name to Brite Future’s, but even stuffed up the spelling of that. Before changing the name, they had a crack at making it more accessible by shortening it to NPSH, but people couldn’t understand why, so they just went with the whole name change instead.
Supposedly, their decision to start Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head was made in the food court of the Centre House, in 2005. The name of the band is a reference to Natalie Portman‘s physical appearance in the film V for Vendetta. Band members first wrote songs for Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head were about “fruit snacks and partying”. Need we say any more?
ACID DRINKERS
Who would have thought I would actually learn something meaningful in this quest? Acid Drinkers, I found out, are a Polish thrash metal band formed in 1986. But they are not just a Polish thrash band; they are considered to be Poland’s best ever thrash band!
So much so that they gave a leg up to other bands trying to make names for themselves on their 2010 cover album called Fishdick Zwei – The Dick Is Rising Again. The band members covered compositions from artists such as Red Hot Chili Peppers, Metallica, Slayer, Frank Sinatra, Donna Summer, The B52’s, and guests (Anna Brachaczek, team BiFF and Czesław Mozil).
Acid Drinkers chose their name from the 1988 film The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years, which features a scene where a fan, referring to acid as both an illicit drug and a form of battery acid, exclaims, “I’m a metalhead, I drink acid! I drink battery acid!” The band members decided this was a perfect description of themselves.
RAINBOW BUTT MONKEYS
What’s in a band name, you might ask? Does it really make a difference if the quality of your music is there? Apparently, it does because although you may have never heard of the band Rainbow Butt Monkeys, we are sure you have heard their music.
After seven years of failing to conquer the music world, Rainbow Butt Monkeys opted for a change of tack in the late 1990s, electing to move away from funk towards a heavier rock sound. To be taken more seriously, the band changed its name from Rainbow Butt Monkeys to Finger Eleven.
Apparently, the band name Rainbow Butt Monkeys came from a high school friend of the band members who was trying to recall the name for “mangroves” and said, “What are those rainbow butt monkey things called?”
MOTHER GOOSE
Originating from New Zealand, Mother Goose up and left for the bright lights, big city of Australia in 1976, initially hitting pubs and clubs around Brisbane and the Gold Coast. They soon attracted management and were quite successful with bands such as Cold Chisel, Men at Work, The Angels, Midnight Oil, all opening for Mother Goose early in their careers. In 1977, Mother Goose embarked on their first national tour with Supercharge and released the song Baked Beans which was embraced by Heinz lovers everywhere.
The song’s success saw Mother Goose relocate to the US, but for some reason, people didn’t warm to any more of the band’s music as much as they did to Baked Beans. It is unsure whether or not the alleged planned follow-up, Spaghetti Meatballs, was ever released.
Maybe it was the music, or maybe it was the less-than-inspiring way the band got their name that turned people off. Supposedly, Mother Goose chose the name because they wanted something they considered “low-brow” and it was a name that they thought was amusing. Yawn…
FRANKENSTEIN DRAG QUEENS FROM PLANET 13
Before he started Murderdolls, Wednesday 13 had another band called Frankensteinn Drag Queens From Planet 13, started by Wednesday in 1996 who recruited friends and former Maniac Spider Trash bandmates Seaweed and Sicko Zero to form a horror punk band.
Much like Murderdolls, the music of the Frankenstein Drag Queens was played in a punk rock style. Lyrically, the band were inspired by horror B-movies and references in popular culture. As well as a large leaning towards punk, the band’s live show and appearance took cues from glam rock acts such as Alice Cooper, New York Dolls and KISS. They were known to wear dresses and make-up on stage as part of their performance. Many of the band’s songs were later recycled by Murderdolls.
Next week, HEAVY will be assembling a list of 15 Horror Themed Bands, and if you want to be in the running to win one of three weekly draws for a signed CD from Better Noise Music artists, including Bad Wolves whose album Die About It Deluxe is out now, simply sign up to the free weekly digimag HERE. Then email [email protected] and tell us three bands you think should be in our list of 15 Horror Themed Bands. Please put Horror Themed Bands in the subject area. Existing subscribers just have to email the three bands. Does it get any easier?
